July 24, 2020

July 25, 2020

I am disappointment about myself.


A person asked me that she would like to visit my studio and see my works. But, she said she wants to come after 4 pm.

ある人が私のスタジオに行って私の作品を見たいと言ってきました。 しかし、彼女は午後4時以降に来たいと言いました。

After 4 pm; this is a time I have to go back home.


ダン蔵 goes to bed very early every night. Therefore, we have to eat dinner early. I need to be at home around 5 pm.

ダン蔵は毎晩とても早く寝ます。 したがって、私たちは夕食を早く食べなければなりません。 私は午後5時ごろ家にいる必要があります。

So, I said no to her.


I think I should have said yes to her. ダン蔵 can eat dinner alone.

私は断るべきではなかった。 ダン蔵は一人で夕食を食べることができます。

But, I said no.


Maybe I am tired. I think I don’t want to see people. I like being alone in my studio.

たぶん私は疲れています。 人に会いたくない感じ。 スタジオで一人でいるのが好きです。

Other than that, ダン蔵 is the most important in my life.


The night after ダン蔵 sleeps is long. I read books and enjoy being alone again.


Before ダン蔵 fell and hospitalized in 2016, after he went to bed, he went back to the studio and painted. Now that habit has ceased. Because I don’t want anything in ダン蔵 when I’m not there.


A long time ago, my high school friend Seiko was married and gave her baby birth. Soon after, she divorced. I phoned her. I asked to see her and her baby. She said no. She said she doesn’t want to see anyone and she and her baby is enough.
I felt sad.
But, I understand her now.

昔、高校の頃の友達のせいこちゃんが結婚し、出産した。 その後すぐに、彼女は離婚しました。私は彼女に電話して、彼女と彼女の赤ちゃんに会いたい、と言った。 彼女は会いたくない。と言った。 彼女は誰にも会いたくないし、彼女と彼女の赤ちゃんで十分だと言った。

The photo is Robert Mangold’s painting. I like the sharpness that is so sophisticated that I can’t say anything about it.


But tonight, these two ”X” are telling me that I am a failure.

しかし今夜、この二つの 「X」 は私に駄目、駄目。と、言っている。

Comments (2) | More: All posts, Art, Thought

2 Responses to “July 24, 2020”

  1. Pamela says:

    When we experienced a profound shift in our lives – whether caring for a new born or a family member needing our constant support, juggling daily necessities can result in waves of inexplicable guilt, and anxiety. I know. We try to do everything we can for others yet at times neglect to take care of our selves and our needs – and that’s equally as important. When we thrive, our loved ones thrive… being emotionally fulfilled is a gift that we can share. Our creativity is a gift too- and reaches far more people than we ever know.

    Deciding if something warrants our time or if a time doesn’t work- suggest another or do say ‘no’ there is no need to apologise – the X in Mangold’s work is also used in algebra – a value not yet known- we rarely know how much we are valued and loved by others – so do take time for yourself too. xx 愛

  2. minikonote says:

    Thank you so much, Pamela. Your message made me cry and made me try to see the bright side of life. Thank you!!! xxx

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